What are Zambian men afraid of?

By ANN ZULU

A WOMAN’S greatest emotional need is in the security and the quality of her relationship.

In fact, a woman is prepared to commit everything about her life in a relationship to make it work.

But sadly, many Zambian men do not want to know. They keep many women in frustration, suspension, anguish, despair and loneliness. What are Zambian men afraid of?

A Zambian man can meet a lady he loves and finds her just right for him, but he is at a loss to start a relationship.

Some are even crude in their approach. Others immediately attempt to bribe the woman with money and benefits for sex. Many lack self-esteem and look for others to win women for them and others wait too long and lose potential life partners.

When it comes to marriage, it is even worse. Most of them are scared of the famous principle of church marriage ‘a man leaves his family to live with his wife to become one flesh’.

There are many Zambian men in very good relationships where the women bend over to make the relationship exciting.

Everything works fine and the chemistry is right. They may be of age and in good professions. However, whenever the question of marriage comes up, the men go cold. They have lots of excuses.

Why the fear?

John Bwalya, a Relationship Coach notes that men were born competitors and providers, hence the fear to commit.

“Their greatest emotional needs are what they can achieve. They are, however, prone to failure. Men, therefore, avoid long-term relationships because of the high risk of failure. They always want to defend their ego.

“If they stay out and do not commit ourselves then they can’t fail and will, therefore, protect their ego. This may explain why many Zambian men opt for cohabitation because it enables them to leave relationships that have risk of failure. Men are actually the weaker sex,” Mr Bwalya said.

He said there was need for men to instead, develop a positive mental attitude about relationships and remove the fear to commit.

According to him, fear was the greatest obstacle to commitment.

“Fear will take away a man’s motivation to enjoy the beauty of true love. Men need to push away the fear, life is full of adventure or it is nothing.

“One don’t need to hide in their comfort zone and cheat themselves of the amazing benefit of relationships. If you share true love, you will not be afraid to love completely with trust, honesty and fairness.

“Men must let go of the fear to commitment. It is the only way to greater excitement, adventure, pleasure and blessing. There are enough verses to remind us each day not to fear. Nothing in life compares with a committed relationship,” he said.

Mr Bwalya added that marrying early also helped men to interact better and grow with their children.

He said there was no point delaying marriage unduly if a man was sure he loves a woman.

“You will never find a perfect partner and nobody can ever be fully prepared to marry. You can, however, find true love. Success may not come because you delayed.

“True love casts out fear and makes all mountains disappear because God has not given us the spirit of fear but boldness to honour Him,” he said.